As runners we know that our sport, while difficult, gives back way more than it takes. Pounding the pavement has countless rewards: Stress release, confidence, health, mood boost, community, endorphins, I could go on. Studies show that, in a sense, regular running rewires the brain by allowing it to enter a “meditative state” that optimizes the functional connectivity between regions. Because running gets the blood flowing around your brain, it boosts the ability of neurons to repair themselves, which may stave off degenerative cognitive diseases like Alzheimer’s.
I already told you here how running changed me. But let’s back up. I’m not here to talk about myself. This post isn’t about me or my running.
If you are or were a parent of an adolescent, or recall your own experiences through the middle school years, you’ll likely agree those are tough, formative years. So many changes are going on developmentally, hormonally, and socially. To say it is an awkward stage would be an understatement. As parents we can offer guidance but more often than not, it falls on deaf ears. I pick my battles.
Case in point: Thing 2, my youngest daughter. Over the summer she admitted to feelings of depression. Of lying awake at night worrying and being unable to sleep. Like any very concerned parent, I kept the lines of communication open and was at the ready with extra help. I know all too well that depression and suicide are real concerns at this tender age. One of the issues that weighed heavily on her was going back to school and having to run the mile in gym class every week. She worried she’d be embarrassed by her “slow” time. Or that she’d be so slow she’d need to rerun it later in the week. It was then that I gently suggested she go down to the pain cave and take a run/walk on the treadmill. I assured her if she worked at that for even a few weeks, she’d start seeing progress and be better trained to run the mile in gym class. Imagine my surprise when she actually took my advice and jumped on the treadmill.
Much to my delight, it became a ritual for her. Every other day she’d go down and bust out a mile or so. The walk intervals faded away. She grew more eager to tell me when she got faster or ran a little further.
She also started to sleep. The Melatonin I’d purchased for her to try went unopened.
Her nutrition improved. She made the connection between fuel and performance. Where once she obsessed on the number on the scale and coveted 6-pack abs, now her goal was to run stronger and feel better. For the first time ever, she cared more about the things her body could do vs how it looked.
You probably won’t be surprised when I tell you she went to school and ran the mile at a pace that netted her an “exceeds expectations” on the school performance scale. She continues to get faster every week.
It’s not all unicorns and rainbows though. As if being 13 isn’t difficult enough, factor in bullies and you’ve got a heady mix. Some girls are mean. Sometimes even those you consider good friends prove otherwise. Sadly the new school year has already dished up a bullying incident for my daughter. I wish I could tell you she was able to stand up to the mean girls and let their underhanded actions roll off her back, but I can’t. The meanness really threw her for a loop, but she summoned the courage to face the bullies head on and made them stop. I’m not sure that could have happened if she hadn’t discovered a greater sense of self and self confidence through running.
So thank you running. Thank you so very much for being there for my daughter when she needed you most. In her case it isn’t about finish times or finish lines. Just one, beautiful, walk/run mile had the power to change everything.
What aspects of running are you most thankful for? Have you recruited others to try running? How do you foster self-esteem in kids?
That is awesome for her – and kudos on you for recognizing it
As an aside, I hated the speed component of this test. It has no place as it doesn’t prove whether your’e fitter or not. I was hoping it would have gone the way of the dodo
I’m so glad running was able to help her in this way! I remember having to run the mile for field hockey in under 8 minutes..and we had to keep doing it until we hit that time. I was lucky enough to do it on the 3rd or 4th try but I remember for some girls that pace was just never going to happen and they were running it for weeks. Running can do a lot for self-confidence but not if we use it in a way that leads to shame/embarrassment or as a punishment.
I love this post. Absolutely love it! I have to say that I’d never want to go back to middle or high school. As adults, we sometimes forget exactly how brutal it can be.Praying for your daughter to continue coping with the bullying and to continue running!
I am so glad that your daughter is feeling more secure and confident about herself. Such a hard age to navigate and she is lucky to have you as a role model. These are the reasons why I coach girls on the run to the 3-6th graders. Running can and does give them more self confidence and tools to tackle high school
Good for Jill. Running did this for me as well, but not until I was well into adulthood. I wish I had had running when I was younger. I hope she continues to gain self-confidence so she can stand up to those bullies. Girls can be SO mean.
I’m so proud of your daughter! It’s definitely such a weird age, especially for girls. Do you think that she’ll continue with running and want to do any races? I’m glad that she now has running as an outlet.
Oh that is powerful! Running definitely had that effect on me as a teen and through college and I love that your daughter was able to enjoy it and see progress and stick it out. Girls are mean! Good for her for finding the strength to stand up for herself.
Love this story. So happy for your daughter that found a love for running. It is such a great self esteem booster. I can’t imagine being in school these days with all the social media these days.
This is fantastic! I absolutely love the honesty and how the story unraveled. Of course it’s horrible that the mean girls are still there trying their best to derail the confidence of other girls but, that’s the reality of the situation. Your daughter is very lucky to have you – that you’re so involved and had a solution for her when she needed it. Obviously parenting at her age must be SO hard and I’m dreading it with my now 9 year-olds, but it sounds like you’re doing a great job and YES – thank you running!!!
I don’t miss those gym classes one bit. I never understood how running a mile and doing so many situps and pushups determines how healthy we are. Or climbing a rope, and seeing how flexible we are. Seriously, do public administrators know these don’t help at all and just adds stress? I’m so happy your daughter was able to find the fun and kick ass in the mile.
So thankful for you that running has been so helpful to your daughter. I know it certainly helps me when depressions starts to creep in. hopefully she keeps up with it.
That is the most awesome story, Marcia — aside from the bullying, of course. I know I was bullied some in grade school, but not so much in later years. I ate to bury my feelings back then, though.
Obviously no child advice from me. But running has helped me through a lot of tough times. It’s been helping me deal with some of the stuff that’s been going on around here lately. A hard run may leave me feeling tired, but it also leaves me calmer, more optimistic, and more ready to handle those curveballs that come my way.
Oh this is so beautiful! I truly applaud you for opening the lines of communication and fostering that environment for her to find herself. Running has given me a better appreciation for my body. I used to torment myself and just put myself through so much crap to fit a mold. Now I feel that my mental health has benefited from running because I know that I am powerful each and every day!
I am so glad running was able to help your daughter and I hope she continues to find her confidence and strength. Middle school years are just so damn hard. I hope running remains a positive outlet for her!
What a beautiful post and what a great mom you are 🙂
Teen girls are downright evil, well most of them. Boys have their own version of meanness, but somehow they are able to blow it off easier than girls (at least in my experience). I’m glad your daughter found some peace and escape and confidence with running! Our youngest has had some anxiety issues, and when she discovered weight lifting, she found her coping ground. When she ran that 20K with me (back in early June), she saw just how much potential there was with running, too. She’s now considering changing her major to Exercise Science 😉
Oh wow, Marcia! Kids really can be just so cruel. Sometimes, it makes you really wonder why? Is that something that they see/experience at home, are they just asserting dominance, is it peer pressure, or are they just acting on the surge of emotions cursing through their own bodies and brains? I’m so glad she found the courage to stand up to them and tell them to stop. That’s so HUGE. And I, like you, would have been floored if that had been my daughter and she took my advice and started on the treadmill. I don’t know her but I’m so proud of her for taking that step and learning about how strong her body (and soul) is and can be. I’m glad running has given her strength! <3
As a boy mom, I can’t imagine what it is like to raise girls given the cruelness that seems to go on in their social circles. Thank goodness your daughter has a caring Mom that is in tune to what is going on, has open discussions with her, and gently offers suggestions. Kids are always watching and you’ve been an excellent role model for her as well. Beautiful post. Thanks for linking!
It makes me sad to think that your daughter is being bullied. Why are girls so mean? While I’m glad she embraced running and it has become easier for her, I’m sorry she worried so much about it. Maybe the school’s expectations are unreasonable?
What a wonder story! Congrats to your daughter for sticking to her plan to run stronger and learning that hard works pays off in the process.