If you follow my Instagram or Facebook page, you already know I had an unwelcome peanut gallery at the gym the other day. Just starting week 4 of my focus on strength in the running off-season, I went about my business with the squat rack and had just finished up a failed attempt at unassisted pull-ups. I chalked up the pull-up failure to trying them so late in my workout and was moving on when a woman came up to me and said “I wonder why you’re not making progress”.
It took me a minute to realize she was even talking to me. But the gym at that early hour was so empty one could’ve shot a canon thru it and not hit anyone. I’m sure I stared at her for an inordinate amount of time, not knowing how to respond. Then she goes “You’re training for a competition, right? Well you don’t look any more defined than you did the first time I saw you here”.
Competition? Defined? Does she mean this?
I suppose I could have gone into the whole running thing and told her how I’m working on strengthening my weak, ornery glutes and rebalancing all the other muscle imbalances marathon training creates. But I didn’t. I’d be lying if I said I did not want to look better. But was that my primary motivation for hitting the weights? Not even close. Figure competitor? Never entered my mind. It ticked me off that she was checking me out.
And making assumptions. And sharing her unsolicited opinions with me.
No offense to figure competitors but I’ve got issues on this front. It’s all so subjective. Personally I’d rather watch figure competitors actually lift the weights that are giving them their muscles than the part where they pose for the judges. I’d rather be judged for something I DO rather than how I LOOK. Does that make any sense? At the gym, I felt like I was being judged on how I look, despite the fact that I have been progressing nicely, thank you very much, on the criteria I had set for myself. That’s what matters.
Here is reason #896 why I love running. It’s you and a clock, rather than someone else’s opinion of you. Sorry for the rant today, just needed to vent!
How do you handle unsolicited comments or advice?
Oh. My. Word. I don’t frequent the gym (ever) but if I did and someone said something like this to me I am pretty sure I would not hesitate to slap them right across the mouth. I actually went to the gym in NYC once when I was 8 months pregnant and some lady had the nerve to tell me that working out was unsafe in my “condition”. Ummmmm, no. Reasons like your experience and mine are why I am happy I workout at home. People are RUDE!
Marcia, This is why I canceled my gym membership. Call me an introvert, or call me a a normal person, but I got so tired of people giving me the side eye, tired of the ridiculously loud grunting noises, just tired of other peoples negative energy. That’s why I love my running community, there is very little of that behavior and if there is, you can choose not to run with that person ever again. I do strength at home.
Lisa I’ve been forcing myself to go. The Caveman likes using the gym but like you, I’m so much happier at home. Suppose I need to keep the membership for the pool though…
Another reason not to go to the gym…I’m already not a fan.
Unbelievable!! Who are these people who think that’s an appropriate comment to make to a complete stranger?? It’s such a bummer when something like that happens, because for the most part I feel like I only encounter positive people in the gym. But it’s never the awesome people you remember, it’s cows like this one. Ugh, sorry that happened.
I would definitely have a hard time coming up with a civil response in a situation like that – unsolicited advice is pretty much never welcome, it’s rude!
What’s so frustrating about this is that she is defining your results on her standards. Who’s to say you aren’t making progress? And it’s progress toward a goal for you that you set. It has nothing to do with her. She should shut up.
Note: I’ve had too much family time and not enough sleep, which means I’m a bit salty right now.
In general, I wish people would give encouraging comments at the gym because you don’t know where they are in the journey, where they have been and where they want to go. Of course, I’d never think to say that to someone because I get a bit weepy at criticism.
ummm WTF?!? B*tch alert!!! This is ridiculous. I love the gym and lifting weights so I hate that this happens! I’m curious as to what ‘shape’ she is in, lol. Maybe she was confusing you for someone else she’s seen in there / talked with before? Not that this makes it remotely OK, but the ‘competition’ is super odd. As I read the post I was like “wait, she’s training for a figure competition?” lol. I do have a few friends that have done those and I think they are crazy. Chocolate > flexing like that! Anyway, boo to the biatch!!! #throatpunch
I am really bad about responding to negative comments like that with thick sarcasm, but some people are just oblivious to it so it can go both ways.
Wow. Reminds me of high school. Sad to see some people just haven’t grown up. Good for you for staying positive!
UNBELIEVABLE! I am dying to know if and how you responded to this RUDE and intrusive comment.
You are training for a competition. It is called life.
And BTW, you are winning. Dealing with someone like that was your latest test.
Love that, Joe! It is a test, isn’t it?
Oh man! I always wonder why the heck people feel the need to speak crazy things like that when they don’t even know you! I think I would have reacted the same way – staring dumbfounded wondering who she was talking to. Rock on with your own goals!
~Ang
oh wtf. at 4am there is no judging at my gym. That was a total bitch move on her part. She’ll be one of the people who intimidates others into not coming back the second day at the gym when they join after the new year. that’s unfortunate.
The sheer audacity of people just continues to astound me. Why the eff does she care? Move along, lady.
And the whole competition thing? I don’t really understand it either. I’m with you – I’d rather see them lift the actual weights.
I think that a lot of people think they are “experts” and she seemed like she was one of them. I would have had a hard time editing my mouth comments to her.
Sounds like a person with low self esteem or maybe they are a sandwich short of a picnic! Just focus on kicking butt in your races and getting stronger as much as you deem necessary. In other words carry on as you were! 🙂
Hi Marcia! Wow! That is so strange and uncalled for that you would be approached in that way. People need to mind their own business. It is one thing if she wanted to help you with form, but another thing for her to comment on something she knew nothing about. I’ve never encountered this before. Hope you don’t again! Just be you!
So incredibly rude!! I’d say she’s coming from a bodybuilding/figure background and to them it’s all about looks. Personally not my kind of sport – I find it a little shallow and vacuous. But over half my income comes from shallow, vacuous women so I shouldn’t complain.
“I wonder why you’re not making progress” – um RUDE! I would have probably given a catty response since that is so uncalled for!
I think you’re taking this the wrong way.
“You’re training for a competition, right? Well you don’t look any more defined than you did the first time I saw you here”.
1. She thinks you’re buff enough to be training.
2. She said you had definition.
Take it as a compliment! 🙂
Hey, i take it you don’t go to Planet Fitness. They have the judgement free zone there. Wow, i loved the gps joke. lol. Keep up the good work. Here’s Gym tip #256 – Wear headphones and ignore people.
I hope this one woman does not give all gymgoers a bad name. In the 30 years I have taught fitness and worked out, I have run into only a few rude, clueless people (such as your demon spawn). Bring me with you next time as I have good comebacks for such lamers. Or come to my gym where the people are nice! Congrats on your successes and self-awareness in the face of stoopdhead.
Did you actually respond to her? I never, ever have the wherewithal to make a snappy comeback in real life, but I sure hope you did.
I’m with Kovas. No one has ever thought I was training for a competition :-),
That’s ridiculous. I have never had anyone ever utter a word to me at the gym (except for Tara :)). That’d have bugged me for days I think. Good for you for going to the gym (it’s been about 4 years I think I was last there!) – this is YOUR journey!
xo
Wow! The nerve. I couldn’t agree with you more – what a nosey thing to say. I love that image – ‘keep your eyes on your own paper’. I was going to say some judgemental things about her – but decided that I should learn a lesson and keep my mouth closed.
This is reason 837 that I canceled my gym membership. Too many judgy people. As I said before, SO sorry someone was snarky enough to say this to you. I recently encountered the same thing, when a running ‘friend’ (not so much anymore) commented on my finger injury “You don’t need your finger to run.” Really dude? I just hacked off a portion of my thumb. D-bag alert!
Uggh, I’m not even sure how I would have responded to that. Why are people so judgemental. Some people just don’t have filters. I hate the gym and end up avoiding the weight room at all costs because of it.
Yikes. Another reason to be glad I workout at home. Is there a hidden complement that she thought you could be training for a figure competition? Noone would ever think that about me. 😉
I cannot believe she said that to you. HOW RUDE!
Personally, I just ignore comments like that, while thinking of 15 million witty remarks I should have said in my head.
When I saw that on IG, it pissed me off soooooooo much!!! She had no right!!! Maybe she was going to sell you training services but still!!! I love those last 2 quotes!!!!
On the whole do vs. look, Marcia, I have been judged my whole life on not being pretty enough or looking right for a fitness model or even a reader model in a magazine. I am so friggin tired of the looks things! Even on IG with the “you can get whatever you want” coming from the beautiful girls .. not really, looks do matter in many careers & things no matter how hard you work at it – OK, bitched enough! 😉
i wondered the full context of the convo when i saw your post and OMG i would’ve lost my shit on that woman. you are much nicer than me. 🙂
I must have missed this post. I can’t believe someone would be so rude! I had a situation a couple years back where I got some unsolicited “advice” from a meat head and thought of lots of great things to say after the fact.
Wow, just wow.. I don’t know how I would have responded to that. I mean.. who does that?!?! I never in my life would think to walk up to someone and say anything like that. I love your pics in the post. 🙂 But yeah, I don’t know how I would have handled that – probably not with a lot of grace and then I would have cried in the locker room ha