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Have you ever been the target of a food bully? You know, someone who pays way too much attention to the food on your plate and can’t resist making negative comments about it? While I wasn’t the actual victim, over the weekend I had the opportunity to witness a food bully in action on two separate occasions.
Scene 1: Food bully was a guest in our home. An uninvited, drop-in one I might add, but that’s another post. He brought bagels over then proceeded to rip on the fact that the Caveman (a Paleo eater, obviously) consumed 2 grass-fed burger patties. Being the gracious hostess, I kept my mouth shut as said visitor consumed bagels and sports drink (there was no workout of any kind) while warning the Caveman about the adverse effects of meat.
Scene 2: Wedding reception. Same food bully is at our table enjoying a heaping bowl of pasta (he is newly vegetarian). The Caveman has chicken. Food bully kicks it off with “do you eat any veggies at all?” and launches into another lecture.
Blame it on the lecture, but I couldn’t help but notice food bully’s own choices: pasta washed down with not one, not two but three Cokes followed by 2 pieces of wedding cake. As they say, those in glass houses… Had I wanted to stoop to his level I could have pointed out the negative effects of sugar. But I didn’t.
How does one deal with the food bully phenomenon?
- It’s not about you. Just like people who say nasty things about something you’re passionate about, criticizing someone’s food choices is a reflection of them, not you. Maybe in some twisted way bringing down your food makes them feel like “more”.
- Breathe. I know it’s hard. It was hard to sit there biting my tongue. But who wants to get into a hot debate? Not I.
- Shut them down. If you must say something, a simple “Thank you for your concern” will do. Chances are good food bullies want to rile you up. Not engaging shuts them down.
- Change the subject. Shut them down and move to another topic completely. “Thanks for your concern, hey how about those Blackhawks?”
Have you seen or been the target of a food bully? What are your tips for dealing with one?
Both of those people sound totally obnoxious! Your tips are perfect, though, because really otherwise we are letting them win!-Ashley
All the time! Usually it happens when I go to a get together with my girlfriends…you know the kind where everyone brings a greasy appetizer? Someone (at least one person, usually more) has to make a comment that I’m not eating any of the snacks; or if I’m just having pretzels or something safe. It isn’t that I don’t like that stuff, but I know it doesn’t like me and if I eat it, I’ll feel like crap the next day or longer. Same with drinking, I’ll have 1 or 2 glasses of wine but that is it! The hangover is not worth it. Sometimes I feel like I’m back in high school again and the peer pressure is too much. Crazy at my age, but that is how it is!
I have been food-bullied in the past and basically brushed it off. I have a knack for acting like what someone said was real concern and not a snarky attack (though I can clearly tell the difference). Most of my encounters where attempts at force feeding me when I was losing weight. After 3 years, I think all food bullies have finally given up on me though!
~Ang
I work with someone who is like this. Has a comment for me anytime she sees me eating (or not eating) something. During a work birthday celebration, I didn’t eat cake. Her comment: “You’ll get fired if you don’t eat the cake.” I just ignored her.
I’ve been a vegetarian for about 15 years and people criticize it all the time. Being pregnant has magnified the issue since people seem to believe that I’m not giving the baby the nutrients he needs because I’m not eating meat. In general, though, I just shrug it off and tell people I’m not concerned if my doctor isn’t concerned.
I know a food bully who rips on the fact I won’t cut sugar out of my life completely. He goes off on these tangents and now I just walk away while he’s in mid rant. I eat what I want and if you anyone don’t like it, they don’t have hang out with me.
Food bullies are the worst! Sometimes I like to eat something sweet and hate when people make comments about it. I feel like I work hard so if I want to treat myself to a cookie, no biggie!
Ah, self-righteousness with food! it can be rampant. I don’t really have any food bullies in my life, but a couple of girls in my running group are what I would classify as orthorexic. It comes into play if we might be treating ourselves to birthday cake on someone’s birthday or some other occasion. They sit silently by, plates empty, and make us all feel uncomfortable. Drives me crazy.
You are far better than me – I might have let the first incident slide but the 2nd time – nope! I would have spouted off several things that probably wouldn’t have been very nice!!!
I don’t think I’ve ever been food bullied – good thing since I would probably not be very nice.
I have seen and been victim of the food bully, in much the same ways you describe!
At the time, I felt ashamed…now I know better!
My MIL has a fun habit of asking my opinion/advice on exercise and diet and then arguing with everything I say. My reaction? Shrug my shoulders and move on. How other people eat doesn’t affect me and isn’t my responsibility to fix (unless it’s my kids). What I’m doing works for me. I’m hoping for a lead by example affect with my husband and his family.
I get the bullying more over fitness. Why do you run so much? You’re going to ruin your knees…etc etc. Frequently expressed by seriously overweight, sedentary people. I’ll take my chances with my knees.
Like, Kari, people pay a TON of attn to what I eat since I am vegan (and was vegetarian long before). I just try to change the subject, as you suggest. I really don’t get WHY people care (I don’t care what THEY eat!!!!). Or want to lecture, like the eat more veggies or why do you eat meat thing. To his defense though, if he was vegetarian and at a wedding, that maybe was all he could eat/drink. And I sometimes bring carby stuff to people’s home if I know they don’t have food I can eat (easier to carry than produce). But. He should still shut his mouth!
I haven’t had to deal with a food bully thank goodness. I often wonder, though, why people think they have the right to make any comments at all about others food choices. We were always told to mind our own business.
Kim, there was a chickpea fritter vegetarian option and plenty of water so IMO this guy deserves so defense at all. But you’re right, it seems like vegetarians/vegans take the brunt of food bullying.
Oh you gotta love the food bullies – yep I’ve got a couple in my life. Use to drive me nuts, but I have learned, just as you advise, to not engage them and change the subject.
Although he was just wrong I think that since he’s a new vegetarian he’s a little to gung ho and needs to chill a little. I thought coke contained fish gelatin which would mean you have to kill the fish to get it. If you find out for sure you can send him a link. haha!
Haha, nice picture of a cat bully at the top!
The food bully I know came to our place and later complained that we had not fed him enough pop, chips, cookies and pies. Blah…
AMEN SISTER
as with any BULLY.
it is so so so not about you.
I certainly have been on the receiving end of this and I just ignore it as best I can. It usually comes from people who are misinformed. So annoying. I am glad you were able to say nothing and I suppose the Caveman was quiet and ignored the person’s comments as well. Good on you!
Elle yes, the Caveman was highly entertained by all of it. I think I was much more annoyed than he was.
I think it is inevitable that we run into people like this. I do try to shut it down BUT if it persists, I throw it at them – been doing is for 30++++ years, I think I know what is right for me, doesn’t my bod show that.. I can get mean if they don’t leave me alone. 😉
such a tough situation. But these tips are spot on. Changing the subject really helps and staying positive!
I have a very restricted diet it. For medical purposes mostly – but honestly, I feel like, even if I could eat the foods I cannot eat, I wouldn’t eat them. I have never really been the victim of food bullying because I make the foods I can eat look COOL 😉