We attended two parties last weekend, have two more this weekend and it goes on from there. ‘Tis the season.
Let’s just say I was not born a sparkling party conversationalist (as if I am now, haha!). I’d pretty much rather have my eyes poked out with jagged twigs than attend a party where I don’t know anyone other than the host (I take this back if the room is filled with runners or bloggers). While some of you may feel invigorated by scenarios like these, they’re definitely out of this introvert’s comfort zone.
Socializing is a necessary evil, and gasp!, can even be fun. Like anything else, the more you practice, the easier and more enjoyable it is. As much as I dread some parties before I get there, I’m almost always happy I went afterward.
Best case, the conversation flows naturally and time flies without giving conversation mechanics a second thought. But if you find yourself tongue-tied after the introduction, perhaps some pre-party convo prep is in order:
- Listen to what the other person is saying, rather than prepare in your head what you’re going to say next. I’m trying desperately to shake this habit.
- Watch your language. I’m talking about body language. I love nothing more than to fold my arms across my chest. Apparently this sends a standoffish vibe. Holding a drink prevents this stance, just saying…. Make eye contact and stop scowling too.
- Ask open ended questions, rather than ones that can be answered yes or no.
- Strive for a balance. Good conversation is a two-way street. Some people ramble when they’re nervous. Be sensitive to ‘holding court’. But don’t be all clammed up either. Share something about yourself!
- Stay away from potentially sensitive topics like politics, whether they have kids or why not, weight, etc.
- Look for commonality. If it’s a neighborhood party, talk about local events. If the person is totally new to you, geographic inquiries are often a good springboard “where did you grow up?”
- Know when to move on. A simple ‘excuse me’ will do. I struggle with this still too.
Are you good at making conversation at parties? Are you sensitive to how you come across? How do you handle it when someone is dominating a conversation?
Oh boy, I get ya. This is not fun for me either!
This introvert appreciated reading this. I think the worst is when it’s introvert on introvert–where’s the extrovert to help?! I think finding the commonality is the best piece of advice here!
Great tips! Here’s one more: before the party, think about some topics you could bring up in a conversation.
Great post Marcia! I have struggled with this as well. I used to be super shy when growing up but it’s not as bad now. It helps to realize that many people feel the same way you do. I try to ask questions and just let the conversation flow. It’s hard though when they won’t stop talking and you can’t get a word in. That’s when I try to excuse myself;)
OMG I hate hate hate being in uncomfortable party situations. I almost don’t go to things if I don’t know many people. I’m terribly shy and always certain I’ll say something really stupid. Trust me, it happens LOL. I am terrible about holding up a wall with my arms crossed. I do really pay attention to other convos and such. I’m a great observer. I just fail to react often.
I don’t think anyone likes to be in situations where they don’t know anyone and are forced to make small talk with strangers. I usually just say to myself that I’ll never see them again, so that makes it easier for me.
I suck at this – truly. I also fold my arms and frequently remind myself as a teacher talking to parents too. I hate parties where I know the host only also. I’ll try some of these.
Love this post. I go hot and cold with social functions depending how I might be feeling that day. But I once attended some training class that addressed this topic. My classmates and I were asked to work together as a group to compile a list of questions to keep mentally ready in the back of our minds as conversation starters, e.g. “What do you think of XXX?” But I’ve always had difficulty with knowing when/how to gracefully move on so I will need to practice the “excuse me”!!!
Great tips!! I’m like you – sometimes I dread social functions but then I always end up having a good time.
I try to channel Chris – he is so good at engaging people and letting them talk about themselves – I’m probably one of those who talks way to much sometimes (ummm…wine talking!).
I’m really bad at knowing when to move on. Excuse me sounds like a great, simple thing to do. I’m also one of those introverts that’s cool with silences, but apparently others aren’t. I usually glue myself to one person for the whole night (often the Husband or a friend) so I don’t HAVE TO talk to strangers. I’m such a child. 🙂
I so need this – I am very very bad at the party scene! 🙂
It’s so nice to know that I’m not the only one who hates parties. Luckily I don’t have to go to many. I’ve only got two to deal with this festive season and both of them are with lots of running friends so conversation won’t be hard.
Perfect timing, Marcia! I’m going to an event tonight…by myself. I have no clue who is going to be there. I almost always have my hands folded in front of me. I’m trying really hard to get out of that habit.
I’m not an introvert and these tips can totally apply to me, too. Sometimes I just need to shut up and listen more.
Oh gosh I can completely relate. I just read a similar article about this on Elephant Journal by Vegan Cinephile. People think I’m an extrovert, but far from it. I used to get my social interaction from work and be just fine with no other social life, but when I became a mother, I felt isolated, I did not relate or want to be around other big groups of mothers. My website became my social outlet. I think many bloggers are introverts and feel the same way. These are such great tips Marcia.
That first item is good for anyone, in any situation, not just for introverts at parties!
I hate hate HATE going to parties where I don’t know anyone! I feel so awkward! Even worse? If I’m there with someone who IS a conversationalist, I seem to retreat even more. Very weird.
I’m an introvert too. The only thing worse than trying to be social at a party is public speaking, at least for me.