As you know if you read yesterday, our kids’ birthday party was this past weekend. Despite dicey weather it all turned out well in the end and fun was had by all.
But the current state of RSVP confounds me: Did I miss the memo that said responding to an invitation has gone the way of the dinosaur? To be fair I was thrilled with a 100% response rate from Thing 1’s friends. But Thing 2’s friends were a different story:
Of the 10 invited:
- 3 RSVP’d yes
- 2 RSVP’d no
- 5 No RSVP
- So 50% of invitees failed to RSVP
This is an improvement over last year when a whole two showed up. What blew my mind was that 3 of the non-responders hosted birthday parties of their own earlier this year so they know the planning (food, favors, minimum requirements if the party is not at home) involved, yet still did not extend the courtesy of an RSVP.
I know everyone’s super busy and certainly I understand if you can’t come to a party. No foul there. Just let me know, I won’t bite. It’s the inability to pick up the phone or dash off a 30 second email that confuses me.
I came across some potential ‘solutions’ to the RSVP problem:
Drag a cake to school and foist your kids’ party on the poor teacher. Seriously? This wouldn’t fly in a million years around here.
Follow up with the invitees. I have done this in the past but guess what? The days preceding a party are busy and I’m not wild about chasing down a laundry list of people. I recall doing this for our wedding (not many though) and trust me it’s a royal PIA and the stakes are high.
Spell it out. Who knew? Some people don’t understand what RSVP means. They think it means respond IF you please (if you feel like it). Saying instead “Please respond yes or no by x date” is a better approach.
Sorry to be all crabby and get-off-my-lawnish today. Are you a non-RSVP’er? Help me understand why. Is this common in your area?
I have been on both sides: the party giver and the non-rsvp-er.
I will state that my inability to respond to the RSVP is directly related to whether or not I find the invitation. Parents tend to send the invitation in to school with the kid and then they come home (or not) in the backpack. Which I then find 2 hours before said party when cleaning out the backpack…
And yes, in our area, people are terrible at responding. ugh.
I think maybe the best way to get folks to respond is to:
1. make sure the PARENT gets the invitation.
2. send an email or text so the person can respond right away without difficulty
3. make a fb event where the person responds yes/no/maybe. and fb reminds them of this event! so there’s no forgetting.
I totally agree with you! I’m dealing with this NOW for my daughter’s 7th birthday party.
The 29 people I invited, 5 have replied…
2 have messaged me they weren’t able to go, but the rest.. I’ve had to personally ask (text) and also message them on facebook (which it let’s you know when they read it!, but they didn’t reply back!)
I honestly just want to know are you coming or are you not! I really get so upset when they don’t RSVP but yet show up with 2-3 more extra kids and an extra adult or 2..
I hate to be a grumpy bear about it, but it really bothers me! lol
Michelle I totally get not seeing an invite in the backpack. I did mail this year and evites last year. They are equally ignored. I wish I knew the answer.
Khristine hugs! I suspect we’re not alone.
I hate it when people don’t RSVP! So annoying and rude. The worst is if they don’t RSVP and then show up to the party. If someone doesn’t say they are coming, they shouldn’t be showing up. Totally legitimate rant Marcia;)
I can’t even remember when I last saw a RSVP. I figured they took a ride into the sunset with the 80s 🙂
I’ve definitely noticed it doesn’t seem to be taken as seriously as it once was… I don’t know why… that’s frustrating!
The hubby and I had an RSVP problem when we threw a house warming party last month. Out of the 100+ people we invited, maybe 25-30 responded but about 80 showed up.
Honestly, I think it’s rude bit goes right along with the thought that “I’m too busy to have concern for anyone else”. Hate it. And don’t even get me started on thank you letters! Those have seem to become a thing of the past as well.
I think it’s pretty common these days for people to not RSVP. For my wedding I had to follow up with about 40 (out of 280) people. Some people who were coming had already booked their hotel rooms (I knew from the hotel block), but could not find the time to put their pre-addressed RSVP in the mail. I think it’s pretty rude, but I also think it’s unfortunately becoming old fashioned. Maybe next year try electronic ones so you can email to follow up? Or set up auto reminders? Still, pretty annoying that you have to responsible for people.
I am a fairly good RSVP’er but my boyfriend is terrible and he doesn’t even care. It drives me nuts! He thinks if he’s not going then he doesn’t really need to RSVP. Even when the bride or groom has to call him days before the wedding to find out if he is coming or not.
If the invite says RSVP I always do it!! If it doesn’t say RSVP – I’m probably about 50% on whether I do or not.
And, if I have responded with a yes and something comes up (illness or whatever) – I always call as soon as I can to tell them that we have to cancel and apologize!
Just plain rude.
It is getting more common with everything these days. You would think that all these people who live on their phones texting everyone in the world could take a moment or 2…. but nope.
I am with you! 🙂
This drives me crazy, too! Not only does it happen with our kids’ b-day party, but we have an annual cookie party and people do the same thing. Maybe I’m a cynic, but I think it’s our short attention spans. Everyone’s always trying to hedge their bets—oh, they think, something else might come up, so I won’t commit to this yet. It even happened with our wedding!
We always RSVP! It’s rude not to!
And a HUGE thank you for not leaving it up to the teacher. (climb on your soap box) As an elementary school teacher, I see how the kids bonk shortly after coming back from lunch after eating the icing off a cupcake and then throwing the rest away. Plus, if they have a summer birthday, the parents send stuff in for their kid’s 1/2 birthday or, as happened with 5 kids in my class this year, stuff comes in the last week of school. Then we have to bring it over to the nurse to check for allergy stuff. If she’s not sure, then we call the parents of those kids, pass the stuff out, and, the worst of all, is when a whole cake gets sent in with no forks or plates, plus I get to cut it for the kids. Not to mention that the kids then get 22-25 more cupcakes/ pieces of cake (or, in most cases, just the icing and the rest gets trashed) than they really need during the year. (steps down from your soap box). I apologize for any grammatical errors…I’ve only had one cup of coffee today
This seems to be a wide spread problem. Many people I know have had this happen to them. At my daughters school the Mom’s who put their cell #’s get a text (that’s what the Rsvp said) but it would really irritate me if we did a party and nobody rsvped
I will always respond to personal invitations but I’m a bit slack when it comes to group Facebook invitations. Especially if it’s something I’m not keen on doing and don’t have a reasonable excuse.
Hmmmm! I do admit that I sometimes don’t RSVP. When? When I don’t really know (or my kid doesn’t really know) the person who invited me/him/her and are just fishing for a gift. In that situation I’m not sure that common courtesy is really required since it wasn’t really extended to me. But I guess I shouldn’t be petty. If I know you and the invite is legitimate then of course you’ll get a response!
Hmm, that’s strange. We definitely RSVP, and try to change our response if we put “maybe” to a definite yes or no so people can plan. I find that annoying!
I can’t even remember the last time I had a birthday party for my boys…8 years ago I think. Boys are SO much easier…in case you decided to have more kids! 🙂
so annoying! i have only had to deal with it for my wedding but it was still annoying. i have a friend who thinks it’s hilarious that she is bad about rsvping… uhh, yeah, hilarious… it seems like a lot of invites are “RSVP regrets only” type wording lately, so spelling it out/defining it more clearly may be the way to go on future invites. the only things i may slack on RSVPing to are ones that are out of state (& many states away) and i assume they can use their deductive reasoning to determine that i am not attending the bridal shower 7 states away… lol
Like you, I find this extremely frustrating. We have only had to deal with it for our wedding. I didn’t even think that some people might not know what RSVP means!