Ice show weekend has come and gone and we’re winding down the final days of school. Things were especially frenzied this year with track season in the mix as well.
You’re looking at the conference champion hurdler. I. Am. So. Proud. The ice shows were fun but exhausting.
Thing 2 was mildly nervous……but mostly had a ball.
Thing 1 had her first solo this year. I’m pretty sure I was more nervous than she.
But I heard things out of her mouth I hadn’t heard before. “I like my dress, I just don’t like the way I look in it. I feel like a whale.” Really? Not even 12 and already feeling like a whale. Where did my confident hurdler go? How does this start? I thought back to myself, also a figure skater at her age. Memories of a neighborhood girl telling me my legs were ‘fat’ came back. I knew even then they were muscular, not fat. I focused on what my legs could do and dismissed the fat comment.
I reassured Thing 1 the most important thing was that she had fun and did her best, not the way she looked. But then I had my own doubts: Even though she loves it, is it good to have her in a sport that has so much emphasis on visual appeal? Especially in middle school years that are rocky at best?
In track there’s no need for jewel encrusted dresses, glitter infused buns or makeup that won’t melt under spotlights. It’s basically runner vs clock. No judges, just time. You’re either faster or you’re not.
Then the show started and Thing 1 skated a clean opening number. When she emerged from the curtain for her solo my stomach did a flip. Before our eyes, our daughter put her nerves and insecurities aside and skated the performance of her life. Of course I would’ve been proud of anything she did that day, but I was thrilled for her that she delivered the best performance she was capable of. Afterward her mood lightened. She smiled, relaxed. Her eyes sparkled even brighter than the stones on her dress. Her confidence soared.
What do you think? Is it good/bad to have girls in ‘vanity’ sports?
May stats:
- Miles Run: 54
- Miles on bike: 80
- Yoga: 0 (stayed away to let my rotator cuff injury heal)
- Strength sessions: 8
- Races: Wisconsin Half, Soldier Field 10-miler, Walk to end Lupus
Goals for June:
- Settle back into a clean eating groove
- Buckle down for Fleet Feet Women’s half on 6/23
- Finish up training for July duathlon
- Plan special one-on-one time with Thing 2 since Thing 1 will be away for 2 weeks
June races:
- Fleet Feet Women’s Half
- Run for Boston Virtual 5k(join me!)
- Maybe some others TBD
What are your goals for June?
This is one of my biggest fear with having 2 girls, it is having them be like me who was so self conscious and mean to myself. My sister bought my oldest daughter the Operation Beautiful book for girls and she is already teaching me things from the book about self confidence. (My daughter is younger than yours but I am hoping starting to build her confidence early will help.) Unfortunately I don’t think there is a way to avoid the comments from our daughters even if they are not in a sport where vanity is important.
Before of all late congrats for your last half.
My daughter just got married and vanity was very important on that special day.
My goals for june? Only the hope to come back to run and swim.
Maybe with vanity sports it’s one of those things you don’t push, but if your kid loves it, you keep letting her do it? I have no idea.
Good question. I never really had to deal with that, my daughter played soccer. My gut tells me that anything that places too much emphasis on appearance during middle school would not be a good thing. Those are really tough years as it is. But I don’t really know very much about skating, you’ll need to weigh the pros and cons. In the end she just needs to understand that she is perfect exactly as she is. 🙂
I was a gymnast growing up and there were certainly days I felt ‘fat’ in my leotard even though I was a stick and weighed all of 90 lbs. I never really struggled with any food issues, but there were a lot of rumors that I did. I even had my mom’s friend approach me about it a couple times. I wonder if I hadn’t been a gymnast if that would have even been an issue?
Oops…hit submit too soon. Congrats to your girls on their ice show and to you for making it through the crazy school year!
Yes, I see it with dance as well. My daughter happens to be fine, but one of the girls in her group (who is chunky) would not pose for the group photo because the jazz costume was just a shorts unitard. I felt so bad for her. No one made fun, but she felt bad about herself. I cried inside for her that day.
for my own kids, I’m just trying to have them be the healthiest that they can be. I honestly don’t know what I will do if one of them develops problems–either too heavy or weight phobic. Please just let them be normal and happy.
We don’t say things like fat, or that I got to WW every Saturday morning…But just yesterday the oldest was saying someone was fat. I asked her where she heard it. She said another boy in her class. They were watching a program and the kid said the woman was fat. Sigh. This kid is chubby so I wonder if people tell him he’s fat and he just thinks it’s ok. kwim? I told her we don’t use words like that. I worry enough about my oldest having friends that to add in the “mean girl” aspect of it breaks my heart.
Comngrats to both your girls on their performances! I am happy Thing #1 was able to have the performance of her life and get over those “whale” feelings.
I did not think about my apperance until college. I never thought about my weight until then. It makes me sad that kids are hyper focused on it now 🙁
I think that if your daughter can still perform well without harming herself, then she should stay with ice skating if she loves it! I think it’s incredibly important that you constantly have the discussion that looks/weight are not everything and that you set a positive example for her! It’s gonna be tough, but I think it’s doable if girls are surrounded by a healthy support system.
I don’t have girls, but my oldest son went through a time of body insecurity before he had a big growth spurt and evened out. It’s so hard to hear our kids say things like that. Great job to both your girls!
I think these kinds of insecurities come regardless of whether you’re in a “vanity” sport or not. I pretty much hated my body through middle school and I played no sports. The issues aren’t with a sport, but being around other girls period.
It’s not the sport that created the image issues. It’s the things you have little to no control over…people at school,TV, magazines,etc. As long as she’s enjoying herself it’s fine.
To meet my training goals!
Great job to your hurdle champion!!
Your daughters are both gorgeous – I feel sad that your oldest would think otherwise!!! So hard for kids (especially during those preteen & early teen years) and then there are always those mean kids that just make things worse. I hope that your daughter soon realizes that she is perfect just the way she is and that her body allows her to do so many things (win the hurdles, skate beautifully…).
Sorry – I know it is hard as the Mom, too!!
First of all, huge congrats to your beautiful girls – great performances, great attitudes, and summers here! Woo Hoo!
I agree with some of the other comments – body image is always going to be an image for girls because we go through so many physical changes through our lifetime. I wasn’t in any vanity sports (just swimming and running) and I still struggled with it up through college. I do think it is absolutely one of those things, that when dealt with, can make you a very strong woman!
Alas, there will always be a degree of vanity in all sports. They do absorb a lot from the other kids, parents out there. But with a mom like you they’ll come through just fine.
Does she like/love it and want to do it? That’s the bottom line. Unfortunately she is going to get those body image negative feelings from many sources. Being happy in what she is doing and passionate about it will help as much as anything. (I hope.)
hmm. i was only a cheerleader for 1 year-but that wasn’t my thing. really, sports weren’t either (in high school it was too much-but loved in middle school). I did leadership stuff. i think it’s so different now and i don’t know how parents do it. to be honest, if i had kids, not sure i would let them do the vanity stuff-girls are just so mean these days. but…if she loves both, then she should do both-and you are such a great role model on body image-she should have nothing to worry about!
In middle school, the hardest thing for me was school not skating. Skating gave me enough confidence to handle the mean girl and boy comments! I did have a tough coach in high school who put a lot of pressure on me to lose weight. Needless to say I left that coach and did just fine at my healthy weight!
As a recovered (recovering) anorexic, I’d say keep her in the sport as long as the benefits (confident feelings) outweigh the bad. Honestly, sport or not, those kind of feelings will creep up no matter what and having a sport and the friends that come with it provide a distraction, a chance to feel powerful and have a friend support group. Try not to worry, and always be there for her if she ever needs to vent!
Congrats to Thing 1 (and you on North Shore). I hate to say this but running was one of the biggest generators or body insecurity and ultimately an eating disorder for me. My coach proudly told me that another coach said I was “big for an X-country runner and that he said – “well she beat your whole team”. Which part do you think stayed with me? I was not a great runner at 90 some pounds. Or a great anything for that matter.
That said – hope it was just “fat talk” common among girls and women alike. Good article on this from Greatist: http://greatist.com/happiness-fat-talk-051413
i think it could go either way – she could gain confidence as she performs well and forget about the negative body thoughts/comments she might hear, but then again when a big factor is looks it could push her in the direction of focusing too much on that. at the same time, i think you can still have that in sports that aren’t looks-centered. in track (or whatever) some will have cooler running clothes/shoes/gear. overall, much less emphasis on appearance but it’s still there. unfortunately it’s just part of our society to place such importance on appearance. nevertheless, i’m really glad she did well and hope she is reminding herself how awesome she is!
More from BlogHer on fat talk. Starts young! 🙁 http://www.blogher.com/whats-all-buzz-about-fat-talk-blogher-research-digs-insight
Okay, I’m going to try to comment again…
I am certain Thing 1 looked up to you for when she was super nervous out there…all you have done with running, weight, lifting – all those amazing accomplishment was soaked right into every pore of hers. Peer pressure has so much to do with confidence at that age, I think. I’m sure you and the Caveman will steer her well…but, uh, I’m glad I’m not reliving those middle/high school years with a daughter. Ha.
Loved seeing the pictures – your kids are beyond adorable and such great kids to boot. You raised them well! 🙂
xo
Aww, both Thing 1 and Thing 2 are gorgeous! It is harder now for kids at that age, even compared to when I was growing up. I never did a “vanity” sport but with swimming you wear very little and don’t leave a lot up to imagination, it was hard for me at times too!
Just keep instilling confidence in them both and they will turn out just fine!
First off, congrats to your girls! And conference champion hurdler? That’s so awesome. That’s such a tough one. I have two young boys so haven’t dealt with this directly but have dealt with questions of confidence. I agree with the other commenters too that body image and confidence is something that we constantly struggle with. I think that you are offering your girls a great role model and continuing to emphasize all the amazing things that our bodies can do and achieve is key. While it may not do away with all the body image issues, it may hopefully provide a solid foundation for them to fall back on.
I am way behind on reading so did not read comments BUT.. I think all kids are going to encounter this body image stuff in the media & school & so many places that.. well as a parent, all you can do is your best to make sure she knows she is wonderful just the way she is.. if kids want to do these sports, we can’t hide them from this BUT we can instill the best thought process possible.. sometimes the media gets the best of us but you can be there to steer her back.. HUGS!