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Finally seeing Dr. Miracle yesterday was like coming home as I hadn’t been in since the achilles fiasco pre-Boston 2010.
I resisted the urge to collapse into his waiting arms sobbing as I shared details of the utter shambles this entire racing year has been. Honestly I had other things on my mind, namely the angry hamstring and glute, and was on the verge of a panic attack knowing I’d have to let him see and…ok I’ll just say it…touch my butt.
You may conclude from this discourse that I’m somewhat of a prude. Somewhat would be a huge understatement. I am the biggest prude in the universe.
Which is precisely why the universe keeps throwing me these curveballs: remember the topless stress test? The perv masseuse in Puerto Rico? I could go on. But I won’t.
I’ve been purposely avoiding Dr. Miracle, despite knowing full well he could help me, because I dreaded having the butt cheeks manipulated.
Ok so on with it. After considerable touchy feely on both cheekular areas, the conclusion was that I had, indeed sustained a partial rupture to the medial something something hamstring. Remember the popping sound during the yoga incident back in September? It happened then.
So here’s the gig, according to Dr. Miracle:
My hamstring is partially ruptured up near the insertion point (high up in ass-cheek village)
Because I was not running due to the hip fiasco, the hamstring healed, but there’s a bunch of scar tissue there now.
It’s the scar tissue I tore at the Turkey Trot a couple of weeks ago.
The tearing/stabbing feeling I get when I run is the tearing scar tissue.
My ass has been constantly numb ever since the yoga incident because the torn area is inflamed, blocking off nerve endings.
You may be wondering (I sure as heck was):
How can one rupture a muscle and not have bruising/swelling?
This is uncommon but not impossible. There is internal bruising/swelling.
How can one possibly still have power in the leg?
I’m a cyborg.
Alright, alright: This is very rare but he’s seen it before. He was somewhat amazed at my leg power though. Oh yes he was…
Why, when I run, after about a mile or so it feels like something is flapping around in there?
Because something is flapping around. Most likely it’s re-torn scar tissue.
So what now?
1. Graston technique on the afflicted area or as I like to say: Grasston
This was horrific from a prude standpoint but not painful.
2. Heat and interferential stim.
3. Then Dr. M trotted in the newest weapon in his injury rehab arsenal: a huge 50-something dude with a thick slavic accent. I didn’t quite catch his name but it rhymed with Notorious so that’s what I’ll call him.
Notorious is a Myofascial Release Specialist and according to Dr. M a fabulous one, not a stunt double for Fabio mind you, but fabulous all the same.
Notorious worked his magic on my freshly Grasstoned, heated, stimmed booty, all the while muttering how unhappy he was with the uber-tight state of the entire region.
I went home with my booty on ice, with directions to reheat it and stretch twice daily.
I will repeat this whole sordid affair tomorrow and twice next week. We’ll re-evaluate and go from there.
Best News:
I CAN RUN!
Could. Not. Flipping. Believe. He’s. Letting. Me. Run.
But I ran 6 miles (slow) today, painfree except for some stabbing at about 1.5 miles that lasted less than a mile. I’d have stopped if it persisted but it subsided when I was fully warmed up.
So, for the love of running, and because Carlsbad is coming fast, I faced my phobia head on (ok maybe not head on), and put the buns on display. No easy task for sure but I’m making progress.
