I’m a running coach, but I swear 75% of my time is spent playing Psychotherapist with my clients. Not surprising I guess, since running is SO mental. I’m not complaining, human nature fascinates me. Comparison is rampant…and toxic. Let’s talk about how to overcome the comparison trap.
Too often I hear stuff like this:
How to Overcome the Comparison Trap
We all know people like to compare. Maybe we even ARE like this. Easily caught up in the Comparison trap. The truth is we’re all unique and have our own special talents, strengths and weaknesses. We got to this place in life from very different paths. We’ll continue on different, unique journeys. So it’s totally useless not to mention unfair to compare. Yet so many of us do.
Let’s talk about how we can overcome those comparative tendencies:
Seriously stop worrying about what others think and caring about what others are doing. Easier said than done sometimes, but I promise this is one of the gifts of age. You really do care less. It’s wonderful.
My home girl Coco Chanel had it right.
Remember nobody can MAKE you feel a certain way. You’re in full control of how you react to things. Don’t give that power away.
Create a victory jar. Write down your “wins” big and small. Running a PR, a parenting milestone or a promotion or certification at work are all great ones. Put each item on its own slip of paper and toss it in the jar. The next time you’re not feeling great about yourself or your coveting your neighbor’s greener grass, pull a slip out of the jar and be reminded of how fabulous your own accomplishments are.
Don’t forget the gratitude journal. It’s not easy to be petty and jealous when we’re focusing on how blessed we are. Get in the habit of acknowledging what you are thankful for every day.
Embrace an attitude of abundance instead of scarcity. Someone else’s good fortune does not mean there is any less left for you. There truly is plenty to go around.
Don’t forget Runfession Friday is just days away! Be sure to share yours and link them up here!
This is just great. I love that quote from Coco.A gratitude journal is a great idea. Last year one of my friends did a 100 days of happiness challenge on FB, and her daily posts never failed to put a smile on my face. I may need to do something like this, to get myself out of this negative cycle I seem to be in…
I love this! I definitely see these types of thoughts with new runners but I think we all deal with it from time to time. I love the idea of a victory jar!
LOVE the Coco Chanel quote. I remember doing this to myself when I was running my first trail marathon at North Face in Bear Mountain, NY. It was a very challenging 7 hour effort for me, yet when I’d encounter people on the trail “I’m ONLY doing the marathon” instead of the 50 mile or 50K. Seriously! We need to strike the words “just” and “only” from our vocab. Next year I am not “just doing sprint tris,” I’m gonna bust my tail to improve speed and “crush a bunch of sprint tris.”
Living in DC, it’s hard to get away from “keeping up with the Joneses”. It seems like everyone here expects their child to go to Harvard, has a house that could fit 3 families, and is constantly competing to be the most important. I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on appreciating what we have and enjoying the life we’ve chosen. I try hard to take those same thoughts into running and blogging. The more we lift others, the better our lives our.
So my trainer is so my therapist too! 🙂 I hear women in our group do the comparison thing all the time. I used to do it too. I have come to a point where I don’t really care how fast I am or how far I run as long as I can do it. I am doing it for me and not for anyone else. Nice post!
I agree, the older I get the less I care about what others think. But I definitely am not all the way there yet. Some days it’s hard being a young mother, a newer runner, etc and seeing what everyone else is doing that just seems so great! and so perfect! “Keep your eyes on your own paper” – great reminder to just do me.
Great post. It is so easy to start comparing ourselves to others. I love that keep your eyes on your own paper quote because it is so true. We have to focus on being the best we can be and not worry about everyone else. Even though people can be a motivation for us to push harder overall we must do our best.
Great post Marcia, I love LOVE the idea of the victory jar I am so going to remember that! What a great idea along with the gratitude journal. I couldn’t agree more it’s hard to be jealous when your thinking of all the things to be thankful for! Lots of positive things to think about here enjoyed it very much!
Love this! I love the idea of a victory jar!
Good suggestions. We all compare. But I hate when people are obsessed with it. All they talk about is that they are slow.
I love this! And the idea of a gratitude journal is something everyone should get behind.
It is easy for runners, especially runners who blog, to compare! Whenever I start to compare, I have to remind myself I AM NOT THAT PERSON. I don’t have their job. (Or lack of job haha.) I don’t have their body. I am NOT THEM.
Luckily, I have found the running blogger community to be VERY supportive. Well, at least the blogs I tend to follow. It is great to have friends who you can cheer on! And they cheer you on too!
My post last week was THIS…I so need to knock it off, and have since really focused on ME and not what everyone else is doing. Love it!!!
I hate the comparison thing…I don’t like to feel like someone is competing with me, I have been in that position. I worried a bit about this upcoming half marathon. Training with someone who runs so close to your pace can be challenging. The day I ran my sub 60 10K run buddy did not, and it was hard to enjoy the overall experience of it.
I am in a couple of Facebook-based running groups, and a few of the people post the paces of their runs. It is so hard not to compare yourself. But then again, with social media, it helps to remember that people tend to post their “highlight reel,” and you won’t see the splits from their runs that are more on the slow side.
My son went through a break down last year and one of the things that was a really concern to him was comparing himself to other people. He would look at how much they earned, what car they drove, how their career was progressing and could only see how much he was failing at life. Totally crazy. The only person you can ever compare yourself to is you. And even then you have to be kind to yourself. If you’re getting out and doing it and giving it your best shot then that’s brilliant.
love your tips. It really can be hard for some to stop comparing themselves to someone else. It’s ok to have aspirations but not to your detriment! love that Coco Chanel quote!
I totally agree, as we become older we care less and less of what people think. It’s kind of a relief!
Great post! All great tips! Totally love the victory jar idea!
I’ve found that as I’ve gotten older I still get stuck in the comparison game sometimes, but definitely not as much as I used to. I think practicing daily gratitude like you suggest has helped a lot!
Coco has certainly got the right attitude! I agree, I think you do much less comparing as you get older. And some of us lose our filters and say anything they want too. LOL.
Social media makes it so easy to put ourselves in comparison jail. At the end of the day, we need to remember our only real competition is our own PR.
Great post! I used to compare myself to others a lot in my younger years, now I worry just about myself and me!
One of the greatest aspects of getting older is, the “I don’t care what you think about me,” Your success doesn’t threaten or make me less of a person,” and “talk behind my back all you want- I truly do not care.” feeling. It’s freeing. I must say that sometimes if I’m feeling vulnerable (PMS) I feel myself, “caring” what others think or comparing myself, I give myself compassion for feeling this way and in a few days, poof, it’s gone. Lovely post this morning Marcia– good way to start my day. xo
So hard. I wonder if men are as bad about this as we women are.
I love the idea of “there is enough to go around.” I’ve tried to shift my mindset to this when it comes to my business too. I would see many other more successful people doing what I Do and figured, well they are already doing it so how would I get to their level anyway…but then I decided to shift to that mindset…no matter how many others are doing it, YOU bring your own special talents to the table. Now I need to relate that to my health and fitness life too bc I am definitely guilty of that comparison trap!
Such good tips for your runners (and readers). They’re lucky to have you as their coach!
Thanks for linking up!